Grumpy

Olivia did not feel well last night. She slept after she came home from school but was up later when everyone else wanted to be asleep. Subsequently she woke Charlotte up. Then, in the middle of the night, Avery decided to pay us a visit, or two, or three. Needless to say, I woke up a bit on the grumpy side.

I was also facing some very difficult decisions regarding my day:

1. With a student teacher leading the Italian Class today, should I bother going?

2. Should I join the AWAR group on a tour of the exhibition of paintings of the City of Rome? Even if this means riding my bike home in the dark and making Josh take Avery to Aniene?

3. Would Josh and I meet for lunch?

You can see how it was becoming incredibly stressful to manage all these logistics!

1. In the end, I went to my Italian class -- but shouldn't have! Spending 3 hours of my time without learning much of anything made me even grumpier.

2. I cancelled my place in the Rome Paintings tour -- but maybe I shouldn't have!

3. I did end up meeting Josh, but we didn't go out to lunch, we just rode our bikes home, where I warmed up leftovers of yesterday's mushroom risotto and remained grumpy.

I then worked on the logistics for our Egypt tour which has also become stressful because the cruise we wanted to take over New Year's is booked and we are on the waiting list. In the meantime we can't book the rest of the trip because if we don't clear the waiting list, the remaining half of our itinerary will change....ugh.

Is living in Rome on a sabbatical from working with the opportunity to see amazing sights, learn a beautiful language and plan fantastic vacations in the region is causing me to be grumpy and stressed? What is wrong with this picture? It seems that I have not successfully achieved one of my goals in moving here: to relax and let go. In some sense, without "work," I am trying to control all the other aspects of my life even more rigorously. Deciding how to spend my time to maximize my experience (and that of my family), planning trips so that nothing goes awry, even grocery shopping have all become my domain and my responsibility.

Furthermore, given our "retired" status, we've opted to have much less help here in Rome than we'd ever had in the States. And, for some reason unknown to Josh and me, our children have responded by not giving us their full cooperation. There seems to be a lot of belly-aching about this, or whining about that, and frankly, rudeness in behavior that is at times appalling. Thus, the stresses of motherhood and child-rearing are adding to my grumpiness. It is certainly "easier" to have a "job" where the ground rule are established and expectations are known.

We are living our dream of living in Rome, but real life still happens. I guess I'm just having a down moment. All this being said, it's time for an "attitude adjustment." I'd like to figure out a way to find joy in every day. It shouldn't be that hard given the freedom I have and what lies just outside my front door. And the kids, especially one on one, can be a real treat.

Tonight, I took the girls to AquAniene and while Olivia had the first half of her lesson, I took a sauna (to release the stress and grumpiness from my pores). The sauna at AquAniene is the best ever --now there's a small joy. Then I watched Olivia during the second half of her lesson (by now, Charlotte was in the pool too). Afterwards, I took her downstairs to the "adult" locker room (no one seemed to mind) and she and I went in the sauna together. Olivia also tried the "bagno Turko" which she preferred as it wasn't so hot. As an added feature, this steam room has a florescent light inside which changes colors, and she really liked that. I appreciated spending this special "adult locker room" time alone with Olivia.

We were both happy when we got home; and we enjoyed a bowl of french fries with Avery and Josh!